Hitsugaya-Taicho's Secret Weapon
by Yue in the Stars
Summary: In which Matsumoto uses Tenth Division's last-case scenario secret weapon.


_**"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."**_

It was nearing the end of the Winter War, and Aizen was winning. Matsumoto looked into the chaos, watching as allies were either cut down, or attacked each other. As she slowly zoomed in on her captain, she knew it was time.

Time to bring out Tenth Division's Secret Weapon.

So, she quickly shunpoed as fast as she could with the energy she had left, stopping next to her captain. "Hitsugaya-taicho." He looked at her, silently telling her to spit it out already. "We need to use _that_." He looked confused for a moment, then she watched in amusement as horror bloomed over his face as he realized what she was talking about.

"Oh _hell_ no!" Unfortunately, using what could be the only chance she could get to catch him in the middle of this war with his mouth open, she administered the Secret Weapon against his wishes. The effect was immediate. She could see his eyes brightening, widening, his tiny body vibrating with unbridled energy, just waiting to be let ou-

"HeyheyRan-chanthatcandywasreallygoodandIdon'tknowwhyIdon'tnormallyeatthisstuffandIfeelallshakyandIwannarunandrunandwha'sgoingonwhyaretherescreamsareweplayingagame-"

Matsumoto cut him off with a bright and sunny smile, her whole being radiating innocence. "Hey Shiro-chan, wanna play a game with everyone?" She watched as her hyper taicho literally started jumping in excitement.

"Whatareweplayingisitfunwillwegetmorecandy-" Matsumoto thrust her hand over her taicho's mouth. "If you want to play you have to listen, okay Shiro-chan?" She watched as his eyes widened in understanding, and he shook his head, showing he was listening, barely staying where he was standing.

"You see, Shiro-chan," Matsumoto started, "Mayuri-baka made this really fun piñata- you see the funny psychotic butterfly man?- and we need to pop it to win!" As she said this, she pointed to the general vicinity of Aizen, "This one is especially hard because it can make illusions! To win, you have to stab and hit it in the head and heart a lot with Hyou-chan, and if you do that, I'll make sure you get the biggest pile of candy you've ever seen!"

She watched with growing satisfaction as Toshiro's eyes grew to even more child-like proportions, if that was even possible. "Now, when I move my hand, I want you to go and do your best to pop that piñata, okay?" Toshiro nodded. "Okay, ready, set… GO!"

 _That word suddenly sounds like a death sentence,_ Matsumoto thought humorously, as she watched Toshiro seemingly teleport over towards Aizen.

"Candycandycandycandycandycandy!"

* * *

Aizen didn't last ten minutes. The rest of the captains watched incredulously as the normally frigid and serious taicho of the Tenth Division was happily stabbing away at Aizen's corpse, chanting at ridiculous speeds about "candy", "funny psychotic butterfly piñatas", and how "Hyou-chan" was having so much fun, and that "Ran-chan" would be so proud of him.

Their stunned silence only continued as Matsumoto came over, and how Hitsugaya's _scarily childish_ eyes lit up when they saw her. Their jaws dropped when he leaped up into a flying glomp at her.

"Ran-chanRan-chanIdiditdidIdogooddoIgetaprizecanIhavemycandynow?"

Rangiku just smiled and hugged him back just as hard, snuggling him while he was as cute as he was. (Many people, when asked later, would vehemently deny him being _cute_ in that moment, with his wide, childish and innocent eyes, energetic smile, and his haori, shihakushō, and zanpakuto heavily stained with blood, and _were those bits of Aizen's brain?!_ ) "Of course, Shiro-chan!" Some of the captains nearly fainted here when he didn't react to his despised nickname, instead smiling more at it. "But," Rangiku continued, "You need to be a good little boy and wait, otherwise Ukitake-jiji and everyone else with candy won't give you any."

Toshiro gasped in horror. He didn't want them to take his candy away! "SowhatshouldIdotobeagoodboyIpromiseI'lldoitIdon'twantmycandytobetakenawayandcanIhavesomedotheygetanywhatabout-"

"Good little boys should go take their nap, or maybe go in their inner world and play with Hyou-chan for the day." Matsumoto interjected with a giggle, deciding to spare the other captains from heart attacks.

They watched, unbelieving as he energetically nodded, then complied, curling into himself and snuggling into her, in a manner that was strangely feline.

Slowly, as their spectators gathered their bearings, finally the Head Captain spoke up, his voice extremely confused, voicing the one question they all had- "Matsumoto-fukutaicho, what the _hell_ just happened?!"

Matsumoto just giggled in that irritatingly carefree way, and said- "Never underestimate the power of sake-infused candy on children~!"

 **Hey, it's Yue again! This one-shot was inspired, and is dedicated to all those stories where he gets drunk and/or sugar-high!**


End file.
